She misses me

School started. I'm back in a classroom for the first time in 10 years. I looked at my calendar and realized I will be in that classroom til summer 2008. Can i really do this? Will everyone discover I don't deserver to be here? When will they find out I'm an idiot?
Well so far so good, no one has discovered me yet!
But there is a lot of work piling up already. I've already spent this week reading, then I didn't get to see Knottygirl at all yesterday. This morning she woke me up with toast and orange juice, served in bed. We cuddled, and she kept saying that she missed me.

I miss her too. We've been busy, bodies have been unwell, schedules chaotic, more work loads, we haven't had a chance to connect. I get the feeling that she wants to play this weekend. I think perhaps we'll do a fashion shoot. I want her all made up and posable. My little bendy girl. She needs to feel pretty. I want her to feel pretty.

I can at least promise to make her feel loved.

It's a wierd transition to play. Is a it a switch to flick on suddenly? A tease and slow build up? i know she likes the attention, the imagination. But I don't know if she loves the kink. I think she does, but does she need the kink? I don't think she does yet.

I can wallow in self pity, not many know about it, cause it's one of many conversations that stays between myself in my head. So I can complicate matters pretty quickly within myself. I'm trying not to here. I've been reading other blogs, there tends to be quite a lot from the subs perspective. I am getting some insight into their thought process. Seems that true subs crave, want, need the play. I hesitate. It certainly is thrilling to think of Knottygirl becoming like that. But it scares me too. Two places at once. I can't have both can I? Shit.

Yeah I'm a wishy-washy Dom. Fuck.
I miss her too.